Hello world.

I am a very sick girl blah. I'm also exhausted and wondering why the hell I'm just starting to write at 11:27 pm. oh well

I haven't written in a billion years, to be honest I completely forgot I had a blog. lol...lets just say I've been busy.

I have play practice for my school production of Grease! I'm Frenchy! I have to wear two wigs during the performance.

Oh p.s remember I said I broke up with my boyfriend a while back...well we got back together. It was a bad idea. I thought that i missed him and thought that I wanted to get back together... but it was the wrong thing to do...I realize now that I was lonely. I feel awful about it..and I'm not sure how I'm going to end it...my boyfriend has no idea I feel this way...look what a mess I've gotten myself into.

pissed off

OMG!! i'M SO MAD RIGHT NOW! EVERYTHING IS GOING TO SHIT! I feel like screaming! I'm just mad at everything and everyone right now. AHHHHHHHHHHHH
I feel so hopeless..i'm so unhappy...i just feel like breaking down.
Fuck Erik for making me miss him!
Fuck heather for getting mad at me for no fucking reason!
Fuck rachel for not helping me!
Fuck Jason for making me feel like crap 24/7
Fuck Rosie for being jealous!
Fuck morgan for making me feel like an awful sister!
Fuck myself for letting it all get to me!

Do you remember the 21st night of september.....you all know the song ( i hope).

anywho its been a while since i've written. I've just been really busy.
Since then:
I've broken up with my boyfriend (tears) but luckily we decided to stay friends, i hope that turns out well.
My friend broke up with my other friend (more tears)
Today my sister and her boyfriend broke up ( tear fest)

so this month is the month of breakups. and a lot of tears.

I'll write again soon goodnight to all

Today was my first day of Senior year. I was surprisingly excited the night before, when usually i think of school with dread. I had a good day, however it got pretty redundant as i stumbled from class to class getting the same lecture about rules and grading. But all in all I like my classes and it was a pretty decent day.

sorry i haven't posted in a while, but since school is starting in 2 days, I've been running around trying to see as many of my friends as i can.

Since i last posted I have:

1. Went to Warped Tour where some of my favorite bands played: Say Anything, Motion City Soundtrack, Rise Against, Ludo....
2. Saw I Am Ghost (a band)
3. Saw Pineapple Express
   
4. Slept over my friend's house tuns and tuns of times
5. Went to the beach
6. And more stuff that i can't recall right now

Anyway I had a great summer and I'm sorry to say goodbye to it...but now I'm a Senior !!Whoot!

I've been at my friends house since Tuesday..and I just got home today..lol

Tomorrow is my favorite cousin's engagement party. I'm going to be one of her bridesmaids!! Yay

also Monday I'm going to get my warped tour ticket XD

Okay so two exciting things:

1. I just got home!!! yay!
2. I finished Breaking Dawn! It was amazing! Better than the second and third!!!and that is saying a lot. AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
   

I'm in Jersey right now...and only just got internet...which is my explanation for my lack of posts. I'm on vacation with my family: my mother, sisters, niece, nephew, and brother in law were all in New York for two weeks. My niece is the cutest thing alive, she's two years old. I'll post some pics of her later XD... anyway for those who care, sorry i haven't been posting lately.

BREAKING DAWN CAME OUT TODAY!! I'm going to run to Barnes and Noble to get it XD!!!!

I just got back from Mammoth and Yosemite with some friends and their and my family. Anywho it was really fun, we climbed to a waterfall, we swam in rivers, we hiked, and when we weren't outdoors we were reading our little hearts out. Now I'm exhausted and am looking forward to a good long sleep. However i doubt I'll get it because tomorrow I'm heading to the beach with some friends. Busy Busy Busy thats what my summer has been so far.

I'm a little bummed because when i got home my AP History scores had come in and I got a three out of five..it's passing but I was hoping that I would get at least a four.. :( *sigh* oh well there's nothing I can do about it.

I'm reading a new series : Guilty Pleasures, The Laughing Corpse, Circus of the Damned, The Lunatic Cafe, Bloody Bones, The Killing Dance, Burnt Offerings, Blue Moon, Obsidian Butterfly, Narcissus in Chains, Cerulean Sins, Incubus Dreams
I know it's a long series but they're really good. I'm on Bloody Bones right now...I'll tell you if the series ends well.

I just got back from San Francisco with my friends! It was a lot of fun, except that we got lost for two hours in San Fran!There is no way to navigate around there without getting lost! Streets change name, the freeway turns into streets!! Also there is porn everywhere! hahahaha

Anywho, I'm too tired to explain the rest of the trip, but now I'm home and exhausted.

p.s I READ THE HOST BY STEPHENIE MEYER!!! IT WAS SOOOOO GOOD!!!AHHHHHH

Ok so to prove that i was exhausted and am recuperating from school, I slept from about 11:30 pm to 2:40pm! 15 hours baby! yeah i was tired XD

Anyway I didn't do anything today, except i just cleaned my room and i think thats an amazing accomplishment on my part.

anywho i might go to the beach tomorrow...let summer vacation begin!hahaha

oh and i'm going to start reading The Host by Stephenie Meyer...I'm excited!

WOW! its been a very very long time. I've missed you all! okay so 2 more days of finals and i am finished! YES! I am literally jumping for joy (lol). okay so how has everyone been! fill me in on everything new with you!

HAPPINESS

Life has been peachy, so much so that I'm just waiting for something bad to happen to make my fragile world come crashing down on me in a billion little colorful shards. I'll be cut and I won't be able to do anything about it. Soon though I will be able to recreate my life, hopefully making it a little sturdier, something that will be able to withstand the next natural disaster. Until then, I will continue to be happy, going over the small bumps in the road with ease.

Life is good right now if i haven't made it clear enough. Some things have created my happy bubble and here they are:

1. One of my best friends, Dom, who I consider a brother, is coming home to California tomorrow. See last summer he moved to New Jersey, and he has been miserable there, and my friends and i have desperately missed him. BUT HE WILL BE HERE TOMORROW!!!
2. I'm in a relationship right now with a guy named Erik, and he has been making me so happy. :)
   
3. My best friend, Rachel, last year and earlier this year was in a depressed faze that a lot of the time made me feel awfully sad myself. However she now has a boyfriend named Rick that , although is sometimes really moody, makes her happy. When she is happy I am also happy, it's like a domino effect.
4. School is almost over! Due to the fact that both my AP test are over I do nothing in both those classes but watch movies and play cards. My brain is in summer mode and I have been doing very little work for school and I am perfectly content with that.

I AM HAPPY! NOW ALL I CAN DO IS HOPE THAT NO ONE THROWS A ROCK AT MY FRAGILE WORLD.

APHISTORY OVER/BOY!!

I AM FINISHED! I will never open another history book again! Even though I think I failed, I'm ecstatic that it is over. Now I'll have time to blog to my hearts content.

Ok so on Monday that guy i like told me he likes me !! yay! It was really cute too!

we had been playing that stupid 21 question game but we had only gotten through two questions. His second question to me was "who do you like". Anyway I said I wouldn't tell him and asked him who he liked and he wouldn't tell me. We dropped massively obvious hints to each other.
Anywho, I told him that he had to tell me the next day and he promised that he would.
So after school the next day we were sitting next to each other, and I asked him "so are you going to tell me?"and he said "do you really want to know?", and of course I said yes. so he held me in his arms and whispered "I'm holding her".
ISN'T THAT CUTE! Do not tell me it's corny because I do not want my happily oblivious bubble to be popped.

My life has been consistent of eating, sleeping, going to school, and history, and nothing else.. i can't wait until the AP US history test is over..i will finally be able to breath .

This week has been pretty hectic..i haven't had much time to do anything. I have an AP history test coming up that I haven't studied for yet..well not enough at least.Anyway, once the test is over i'll finally be able to relax. Okay so I went to see Baby Mama today, and i liked it a lot..hahahaha. Hmmm what else happened. Well I could talk about my somewhat confusing relationship i have with this guy at school. We act like we're a couple, everyone thinks we're a couple, i've finally realized that i do like him, and now i'm just waiting and hoping that he likes me back. If it happens then there will be quite a lot of couples in my group. My sister has a boyfriend, so does my best friend, and so does my other friend. (singing song) love is in the air every time i look around!hahaha

I went bowling yesterday after going to a baby's first birthday! it was really fun..and i won!!anyway nothing else to report.

Ok so I just finished this book called "You Know Where to Find Me". I t was a quick read (I started it this morning), but I liked it very much. It is by Rachel Cohn, who helped write Nick and Norah's infinite playlist, which was a great book.

All I can say is that if you want to kill yourself ( which I highly suggest you don't, and implore you not to) and nothing will change your mind, not therapy not anti depressants not family and friends, than DO NOT TAKE PILLS TO KILL YOURSELF! This book has taught me that taking pills is not a peaceful way out. In almost all cases of overdoses, the person does not die from the drug itself. Their body tries to get rid of the poison by making you throw up, but because the drugs have rendered you numb and pretty much unmoving, you choke on your vomit, which gets into your lungs and you die a painful and gruesome death.

Now that I am on the subject of suicide, I have to give you my opinion (bare with me I might go off on a tangent here). Some people might argue that if the person is going through that much pain and suffering that they shouldn't have to live anymore, and although I see their point and will sometimes agree with it depending on the day, right now I disagree. I do not have personal experience but I know people who have had their friend or family member kill themselves, and it is extremely selfish. Once you are gone, the people you left behind, everyone you have ever touched, are in turmoil. They will blame themselves for not stopping you, maybe they might blame themselves for your pain, even if it was not their fault. Not just that but they will miss you more than is imaginable. It is not fare to put others, your loves ones through that much pain.

tell me what you think

Last Night I slept over my friends house, and even though we were supposed to be sleeping, we ended up talking far into the night. We talked about everything. It feels good to be able to spill your soul once and a while. When was the last time you told someone your secrets and regrets? Are you one of those people that don't trust others enough to tell them your story?

Today I was talking to my friend about random stuff, and one thing led to another and we began speaking of the human race.

Sometimes I'll just be going through my day and something will strike me like:

• We polute the world
• we polute our bodies with drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes
• we cut down forests
• we waste paper without a thought; napkins, writing paper, etc.
• we use up our water without caring that some people in the world can't even have clean water to drink
• we slaughter animals, thinking we are the superior race
• we slaughter eachother
• we cover the earth with cement
• and yet we complain about smog and are shocked that we are experiencing global warming
• we think we can do terrible things to the earth and there will be no consequences

My friend said that we are like a virus that spreads and kills everything in our path. He was right

I know there's good in the world, but i all i can see right now is the bad